Letting go with love: closing your business (and being ok with it)
Mental Wellbeing
What I learnt from 'volume down' time
by Holly
I had an epiphany last year. One that transformed my summer so much that I’ll be taking everything I learnt from then and repeating it again this year. This time though, I’ll be able to miss out the internal monologue questioning myself on whether I’m doing the right thing – and you should too, because I’ve tried and tested it for you now and, let me say, it’s one of the best things I did for myself and my business.
Plus, this year feels different, doesn’t it? We all value ‘quiet time’ now, perhaps more than ever, to protect our energy in a world of Brexit, global wars and the cost of living crisis. My goodness I’ve really felt it in our wonderful co-mmunity this summer — founders completely and utterly burnt out, and a ‘meh’ feeling very much present in our collective energy. But this is where planning in some ‘volume down’ time will help to refill that cup.
So, my epiphany. It came to me last year when I was starting to think about what I wanted (or rather, needed) from some time off. You see, longer holidays for me often turn into more stress than they are probably worth. I feel out-of-control; guilty about not being at work (then guilty for not giving my family my full attention) and ultimately frustrated when I do give into the urge to lift up the laptop lid. No one wins – least of all me!
‘Annual leave’ doesn’t enter into a founder’s vocabulary — and yet we also know that as founders we need to recharge, in order to bring our very best to the business. I knew I had to find a new way, a way that would allow me the space to think creatively, but one that didn’t feel too constrained with expectations to ‘switch off!’ (or the classic idea of ‘OOO’).
I always say that as a founder you’re constantly learning new things, the moment you think you ‘know it all’ is the moment to question if you are moving the company forward. But it’s not just business that we are finding out more about every day, it’s about ourselves too. Even at 45, I’m having revelations about myself, how I function at my best and what depletes me entirely.
The idea of ‘volume down’ in 2021 came about on two counts, the first being that I had worked intensely and consistently, without a break pretty much since Covid appeared in March 2020, and secondly, the realisation that summer 2021 would be one of the last with Harry as we know it, as he would soon turn 17.
‘Volume down’ in practice will look different for everyone, but for me, it was the mental knowledge that my diary was meeting-free, there were fewer demands on me, and I had control of how I used my own time — this in itself gave a sense of ‘quiet’ to me.
Of course, ensuring my time was my own required huge planning. Be under no illusion, I worked my tits off last June and July to make sure anything that needed my involvement was at a stage where it could move forwards without me, so that I didn’t block the progress of the business. I wouldn’t have been able to do ‘volume down’ if I thought I was slowing anything down in any way. So what really worked was having a meticulous plan all year that I worked on, to allow me the space to enjoy the period of time.
‘Volume down’ in practice will look different for everyone, but for me, it was the mental knowledge that my diary was meeting-free, there were fewer demands on me, and I had control of how I used my own time — this in itself gave a sense of ‘quiet’ to me.
I have to add here a caveat, that it was ‘volume down’ and not ‘silent’. They are two very different things, and ‘volume down’ (aside from the phenomenal branding!!) took the pressure off the feeling it had failed if I was working.
And truth be told, I did work. I worked half the time, with one week out of the four being full-time work. I also made an EPIC life admin list — involving my wills and really complicated tax nightmares. I essentially found myself doing my shittest to-do list (!!). In hindsight, it’s good and I was set up for the rest of the year, but in truth, I found myself needing to feel like I was achieving (and if this is you too, by the way, do read my other article on ways to use quiet time to push your business forward).
I also realised pretty quickly that I get a vast amount of my energy from the community, and the team and building, because I’m creatively fulfilled from my occupation — what some would call work. I felt something was well and truly missing during my volume down.
There was also the truth, that we had simply been at home for two years! Don’t get me wrong, it was truly wonderful to be more present, but there is a reality to our new working arrangements at Holly & Co (thanks to the pandemic) which means I am more home-based anyway. In 2019, being at home for a month would have been by its very nature, a huge deal and a big difference!
Even saying that, being able to sit down with Harry at 2pm in the daytime, listening to his latest piece of music, or being able to go out for the dog walk with Frank at 4pm, I never allowed the treat to pass me by. I worried during the month, that due to working a bit of it, I was not feeling creatively fulfilled, that my energy levels were not being restored — it weighed heavily on my mind, almost panicked that ‘it didn’t work’.
I have to add here a caveat, that it was ‘volume down’ and not ‘silent’. They are two very different things, and ‘volume down’ (aside from the phenomenal branding!!) took the pressure off the feeling it had failed if I was working.
I worried during the month, that due to working a bit of it, I was not feeling creatively fulfilled, that my energy levels were not being restored — it weighed heavily on my mind, almost panicked that ‘it didn’t work’.
I think going away for a week to Norfolk (and this might be one of my biggest takeaways) is a great idea. If ‘home’ is now not the ‘holiday’ that it used to be, then going away to a new environment is incredibly important.
The combination of the week away, and generally the change in pace, saw ‘Hurricane Holly’ back! So much so, that the team on my first day back in the office, texted me to say how much they had missed my energy, leading me to realise it had worked after all.
I also have to say, that having the time with Harry was incredibly precious, with a fast growing teenager, and friends around me with little ones, you suddenly truly understand how fast the time really does pass, that each summer is precious, and in a blink of any eye they will be talking about girlfriends and university! (For anyone reading this with little ones, my point above is exactly like trying to explain to someone with an eight-week-old, just how fast the sleepless nights pass. I think it’s one of those things in life, that you can’t truly appreciate, until it’s your own hindsight perhaps.)
We watched box sets, enjoyed each other’s company without it being a moment when both of us were tired in the evening, talked about hopes, dreams, walked the same lanes in Norfolk as we did when he was a little boy and just sat in each other’s company — it was glorious (even if not entirely harmonious… we do have a teenager in the house after all!).
So what did I learn on my journey of self-exploration?
Turning down the noise for a proper amount of time allowed me the time and space to work out what ‘volume down’ meant to me. I also know that you don’t have to be 100% fully absent from your business to recharge. If you love what you do, it is your fuel as much as anything else and so in any ‘downtime’ it’s crucial you recognise that and allow it. I would definitely recommend the concept of ‘volume down’, I would recommend planning the time well, making it very special, trying to get yourself into as many new environments as possible for as long as possible, and not to lose any energy if you think it’s not working, it probably is! And after all, isn’t this what it’s all about running our own businesses? Creating ways for a business to work around us, and where we get to do exactly what the 9-5s can’t? I’m actually rather looking forward to this year’s quiet zone, and urge you to give it a try. Because maybe it’s not about being in the noisy hurley burley all the time OR the silence. Perhaps it’s wise to make space for something in between.