I always find that Sundays are the perfect day for reflecting; not just on the week, but in general. This month, I’ve talked a lot about love; love for all things, most importantly, for yourself.
This hasn’t always been an easy topic for me. Like most people, I found it hard to take a compliment for so long, as in forever. I was the worst friend to myself. I’d go so far to say that in my 20’s, I hated myself and my 30’s were spent being so utterly self critical. Of course, on my looks (a classic, I know), but not only that, I just wasn’t good enough. My internal monologue boring the pants off me, and I’m sure, others. But there it was. The worst friend I could have.
Maybe it’s the fact that I feel I’m my true self, maybe it’s the knowledge I have my biggest fans (in the nicest sense) around me each and every day. But, I’d say, as I’ve entered the 4th decade – liking who I am. Such a big deal for me to type, nervous even. But, there I said it. I now know that my body is a vessel for my soul. This is the way I look at others, and so I’m sure, it’s the way they look at me.
Every night, I go to sleep flicking through the roller deck of people, founders, businesses I care for and drift off dreaming of my dreams for them. I have everyone and everything I care about within the rucksack, carried by my heart. I understand that this is me, and always will be. It will make me vulnerable and so I’ll be hurt. I get that now. I have taken some seriously hard, almighty punches in my time – I think because of my nature. But, rising from the ashes, is a very therapeutic thing to do. Maybe it’s why, finally, I know I only have who I am. That I can’t wish for anything else. That I need to love, this buddy – me. Who’s stuck by me, through thick and thin. The body who had the courage to carry me through it all. The smile that broke through.
I wish for anyone reading this, that you have come to the same realisation. And if not, have a think. Happy soul searching Sunday, dear ones XX