I’d planned to write a post today about a woman I’m very close to, who fought her way through depression. With the most terribly sad news about Caroline last night, it feels even more poignant. I remember the moments my friend went through the darkest hours alone and would sometimes casually tell me how the idea of her not being here the next day just hadn’t seemed like such a bad idea.
I’ve suffered in my early years with depression and it was all very hard. A marriage that didn’t work out at the tiny age of 23. The disruption of two souls growing as humans, trying to be married like grown-ups saw me on my knees as a human being. Dust of my former self. And depression was mixed into this stage of my life, how could it not. I remember thinking, well I’m just going to be this way, forever. When things are low, I’ll go even lower. I now look at this Holly and want to whisper, I promise you, there will be more sunshine in your life than you’ll be able to cope with, so much so, your heart will always feel so full.
I’d recount these and other stories to my friend. Trying so hard to cast an anchor into the future, that she could hold onto. Helping her see, that she was so loved. That nothing will ever happen to her because we’d never let that be the case. The world, her family and us needed her. She was so required in our lives and how we couldn’t exist without her. She couldn’t see how happiness or joy would ever knock on her door. She was as certain as anyone could be. We knew differently. So she was courageous enough to reach her hand up, grab that anchor and allow the 18 mths of counselling to draw her up. I watched this once-troubled soul, blossom. She bloomed so much, she met the love of her life. And the rest, as they say, is history.
If only Caroline or anyone out there, in a dark hole where there’s no light within, knew how much they were loved and adored. Find the courage to speak. We want to be there for you. Allow us to then wrap all the help and love around you. Do not suffer in silence – you are so loved.